We’ve been sold a dream — that success means comfort, luxury, and endless leisure: the ability to take unlimited time off, have our every desire met instantly, and always be increasing in wealth and status.
But this dream is built on a false idol.
Historically, kings were all of those things.
They lived in artisan-crafted palaces even the most wealthy today couldn't afford to recreate, had hundreds (if not thousands) of servants to manage everything for them, dressed in custom tailored clothes made from internationally-imported fabrics, and ate aallll the super rich, high calorie, (very unhealthy) food they could stuff into their faces.
Maybe we anti-monarchist Americans don’t overtly admit to wanting to live like a king. But we certainly seem to be trying to emulate living like aristocrats, with our ever-enlarging houses and land, more and finer carriages (I mean, cars), servants (I mean, house cleaners and executive assistants), and world tours (I mean, month long trips to Europe).
(And aristocrats were…. trying to live like the king. So there you go.)
I think that is the core of the “American dream” - for anyone to be able to live like an aristocrat, without needing to be from a specific family or “noble” bloodline.
The theory behind the American dream is that “if you work hard enough, you’ll make enough money to get all of those things.”
But after 200+ years of trying this experiment, we’re seeing why there was such a thing as an aristocracy in the first place.
One human lifespan just isn’t enough for most people to make that kind of money AND live the lifestyle of an aristocrat.
Aristocrats could afford to live like they did because they DIDN’T have to spend their time working. They lived off of the interest that their family’s invested wealth generated. They just had to avoid using up any of the principle. As long as they didn’t reduce the wealth for the next generation, they were a “good manager.” Really good managers added to the principle.
But somebody originally had to work hard to get everything established: in England, it was usually by providing a great service to the king through bravery in battle. I’m not a soldier, but I can confidently say distinguishing yourself enough to be noticed by the top command is HARD WORK.
The difference between traditional European aristocrats and the American dream is that aristocrats expected to pass that wealth and status down to their descendants.
First and second generation immigrants still have that mentality (which is why you see parents working hard at “menial” jobs to give their kids a boost), but most Americans these days seem to expect their kids to build their own empires.
Here’s my hot take: we can’t live like the aristocracy AND expect each generation to achieve aristocrat status on their own.
“Live like a king” is a myth.
A dangerous myth.
If you look at historical kings, the majority of them lived a life of indolence, excess, and poor health. I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to end up like Henry VIII any time soon.
They had a lot of “born to privilege” and not much “with great power comes great responsibility.”
The kings we still admire are the ones who held themselves to a higher standard, DIDN’T indulge in all the excesses at their disposal, and lived for a greater purpose: to serve their people.
True nobility of spirit comes from asceticism.
Asceticism is the purposeful rejection of excess in favor of discipline and clarity.
It means refusing to indulge our taste for luxury (our gluttony) and instead live according to clearly defined principles of honor, discipline, strength, and service.
The aristocrats who had all their whims met instantly suffered from an emotional malady that was so prevalent it had a name in French: ennui.
Ennui is “a feeling of listlessness, dissatisfaction, or boredom arising from a lack of occupation or excitement. It describes a deep sense of weariness and restlessness, often associated with a feeling that life is monotonous or lacking in purpose.”
The cure for ennui is service.
This is illustrated beautifully in the classic story, Pollyanna: whenever Pollyanna feels scared or bored or restless, she looks for someone around her that she can help make happier. She calls it the “Glad Game” and makes it her mission to help everyone find something in their life to be glad about. If they truly can’t find anything positive about their current situation, Pollyanna does something for them that gives them a reason to be glad.
Serving others cultivates meaning, resilience, and peace.
Humans were made to be in community with each other.
We feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment from contributing to others: it’s literally one of the 🔗Six Human Needs.
When we feel like we’re not contributing anything - or worse, that we’re taking advantage of others - we shrivel up and die inside.
It’s a slow death, and one we are very good at talking ourselves out of noticing; but it’s the way things work whether we like it or not.
The world works in paradoxes.
Jesus said whoever tries to save his life will lose it, and whoever gives up his life will find it.
Focusing on getting more and more material goods, storing up, and hoarding only causes us to lose what really matters.
Giving our possessions away (being a 🔗minimalist) creates the space for us to realize that the entire world belongs to us.
Putting the needs of another person above our own gives us a sense of control untainted by any hint of guilt.
It’s time to redefine success for yourself.
“Success” means achieving the goal you set.
If the goal you set is to make a certain dollar amount this year, and you do that, then you’ve been successful by that metric.
But perhaps we can set different metrics?
What about the number of people you help with your work? What about the dollar amount that you give to charity or use to further the work of others in your community?
Maybe it's the number of people you got to smile at you today, or the number of physical things you gave to people who needed them more than you do.
Maybe it’s the number of times we successfully held ourselves to a self-imposed standard of conduct, or how much we can say no to our toddler brains, or how we kept our tempers in check.
There will always be people who frame success in terms of how much money you’ve made, how many awards you’ve won, or how many followers you have.
But is that how YOU define success?
True success comes from service.
It’s not about our profit margins or vacation times.
It’s not about us at all.
It’s about the people we help.
It’s time to reset our expectations of what a successful life looks like.
Instead of luxury yachts and private jets, it’s trusting eye contact and warm hugs. Instead of months traveling abroad, it’s hours spent doing the mundane things that make others’ lives better. Instead of big houses and fancy cars, it’s a smallish, comfortable house with a car that works and an angel-giving-fund for helping people out when they need it.
It’s wearing the same clothes for years and using your old phone and taking two vacations instead of three.
It’s paying cash for a car that works instead of getting into a car loan.
It’s being a good steward of your resources and responsibly allocating them where they will do the most good for worthy causes or individuals.
There will never be a point where you “don’t have to…”
Don’t have to be responsible, don’t have to track, don’t have to be disciplined and honest and careful.
That’s immaturity talking.
As long as you’re a human being, you will “have to.” (Maturity is accepting that fact.)
Maybe ye olde kings gave the impression that they “didn’t have to” because they were too rich and powerful to be bothered. But those are the ones we think of as greedy tyrants.
Good kings recognized what they “had to” and accepted it with grace and humility.
Great kings went above and beyond; taking the responsibility for things that they didn't have to. We remember them with respect.
So what do you “have to?” Where can you go above and beyond?
How can you accept the mantle of the ascetic life of service?
Let's get your finances off the back burner and into a system that actually works.